Well it’s been a bit, a long road traveled, but we have finally made it back home.
We left Michigan almost 2 weeks ago with a full camper and 2 puppies in tow. We are looking to find the perfect place to land. We are trusting God to lead us where He wants us to be and where we can be of use for his purpose.
It seems so much longer than that already but no. We had moved back there 18 months ago trying to make a home and trying to regather our family together. Don’t get me wrong, I love Michigan I do. I was born and raised there. I lived over 50 years there. My brothers are there, and daughter and granddaughters too. We tried to make it feel like home. We bought a really nice old farmhouse in a big city to try to make it feel like home, but it just didn’t feel like home to us.
Maybe it was the being too far from the kids. Maybe it was being separated by distance from my brothers and family. Distance not just in miles but relationship. I love my brothers so much. They are one of the reasons I wanted to move back to Michigan. I had hoped to build a relationship with them again, but sadly I feel like I just didnt. I feel like I failed and I still feel the distance between us.
Life sometimes has a way of twisting and turning our lives that sometimes fractures our relationship with family. I am sure the fractures are mostly my fault and it is burden I will carry everyday. I feel guilty, I’ve offered apologies and I’ve asked forgiveness. I feel I can do no more but the guilt still lies in my heart.
We tried to make Michigan home again with family, with a different home for us. I loved the home we choose. It was beautiful, welcoming and comfortable. It was just in a wrong area, a much too big city for us. It was much too far from family. We felt like we had been living all alone there in this big busy city. Perhaps we had been away from family too long to remember what being with family felt like. I feel I wasn’t nearly as happy as I thought I would be in Michigan.
I tried for 18 months to convince myself that I could indeed be joyfully happy there but my lack of happy drove me deeper into a depressing anxiety filled funk. I had been fooling myself I guess thinking all would be bliss if we just moved back.
So here we are again, in what now does feel like home. We are back in Florida. We lived here for 7 years the first time. This is where my dearest friends are. This is where a deep raw personal tragedy struck and I lost my relationship and faith with God for a while when it happened. I was very angry with God. I went into a deep dark place for almost 6 months. I turned my back on everyone and everything that I loved. There were days when I just wanted to not be there anymore. I wanted to not be in life anymore. I wanted to give up, to finish it but something wouldn't let me go. I know now and I indeed found out that God truly loves His children and it hurts Him to see us hurting. I know now He won't let go of us because we are His, because He loves us so much.
This place is where God never gave up on me. This place, with the help of 2 very dear friends is where I found my faith again, where God saved me again. They helped me to find my place, my purpose, my church home, my church family. This place is where I found my now even closer walk with God. This is where I found my purpose, my work for Him that fills me with peace. This is where I found my happiness, my joy. It’s everywhere I look around me. This indeed does feel like home.
I have learned that I can’t expect others or things to make me happy. I can choose to be happy or miserable. In Michigan I think I just never chose to be happy. I felt unappy and lonely and separated not just from family but God too. I just couldn’t seem to find my relationship with my God in Michigan because I was miserable. But if I am honest, I wasn’t really looking. I was wanting it to come find me!!
But now we feel like we are indeed home again. Hubby is happy, puppies are happy in this warm almost always sunny weather. I feel so much lighter. Happy, relaxed and blessed. We have found a new home and we will close on it soon. This new home just happens to be almost a carbon copy of our last home here in Florida before we moved. We loved that home it was so comfortable.
The new home is in a beautiful older small trailer park that is cozy, quiet and feels just right. It is very close to the Gulf side of Florida..... which maybe could be a not so good thing during hurricane season. But hey, the park and the trailers are still standing through all the storms that have come through there. That should mean something right?
We are so delighted to finally be back home. God is so good. I feel like, I hope that HE is smiling down on us and telling us to just be content and to trust Him. I know his plan is perfect and I know his timing is always true. I just have to remember to let him in, listen for his whispers and trust him to always take care of me like he always has, always does and always will. He has given me so many life lessons, He has never failed me and He is always by my side.
That’s all for today. I hope wherever you are you are truly happy and blessed. Take care. Trudy
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